“Things I’m Afraid To Tell You” post #2

Source: Jess Lively

Man…It’s been one of those weeks. I’ve barely slept, tossing and turning continuously through the night, my mind racing at a million miles per second. I just can’t focus! I’m sort of in a state of limbo and don’t have any clue where I’ll end up, but one thing’s for sure – I’m not where I want to be in life and that’s killing me.

Let me just say this. My career is being thrown for a loop. A big one.

You may or may not know that I currently work a day job at our local newspaper. It’s been a place for me to develop my creativity and I’ve met a lot of really special people here, possibly people that I will be close with for years to come. But we all know the nature of the newspaper industry is tumultuous at best, and those latent insecurities that we’ve ALL had as employees here have finally caught up with us. My point is, due to certain circumstances, my job will no longer exist in the near future. We are talking possibly two weeks or two months.

While I would love nothing more than to raise my fist and shake it at the world at large, I’m not going to do that. This is corporate America and nothing is a guarantee, but beyond that, as my mom says, we are exactly where we are meant to be and I believe that there’s truth to that.

With all of the chaos my mind is undergoing at the moment (well…a week’s-long moment, that is), I found comfort in the idea of coming on here today and confessing to the uncertainty. You may remember the “Things I’m Afraid To Tell You” series that I participated in back in May – I adore this series for the camaraderie and honesty it encourages, and I felt this overwhelming need this week to be here and to talk about it.

Since my last TIATTY post, I’ve improved on a good bit of the scary insecurities I divulged. But of course, as is the nature of life, I’ve got a whole new set to contend with. Why is my career in such a state of flux? Why can’t I afford to quit this midnight hussling and be what I want to be NOW – A freelance writer/blogger/designer living the life of eternal inspiration and connection with like-minded men and women. Why do I feel so held back and so simultaneously over- and under-whelmed…?

This is where I sit myself down and say, “Self, you are only 26 years old. You have practically your whole LIFE ahead of you to achieve those dreams.” But…I can’t help but feel like, if I continue to settle, that moment to take the leap will pass and I’ll be stuck.

Have any of you successfully bridged the gap from “day job+dream job” to simply “dream job”? I crave security (like a regular pay check), but I also crave creativity – Possibly in a bigger way.

Anyway, thank you for listening to me today and for letting me lay out some of the things I’m afraid to talk about. In however small a way, it helps…

P.S. On a MUCH lighter note…The giveaway winner was announced this morning – Click here to see if it’s you!!

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15 thoughts on ““Things I’m Afraid To Tell You” post #2

  1. Alex Landar

    OH wow! THE SAME!!! I even had to write a whole two page long essay to calm myself down. Only mine was not only job dissatisfaction, but also stress and increase in work load PLUS the fact that I do NOT consider day job as a part of life. It started to put a strain on me and I realised too late that I am throw temper left and right.

    Reply
  2. Staci

    Oh wow! Sorry you’re having to undergo this uncertainty! I’m sure something will present itself, probably something none of us can even imagine. You will be in my thoughts!!

    Reply
  3. Lindsey

    I’m sorry to hear about your job. I hope that everything will work out for you. I too feel the exact same way. 26….dream job….too risky….but I, just like everyone else deserve to be happy and we need something that pumps life into us and makes us want to work harder because we love it and because we want to grow. I have the same dream as you and I’d love to wake up in the morning doing something that makes me feel great but there is no way right now. I actually have a gut feeling and full faith that I won’t be stuck doing something I can’t stand for the rest of my life. I have a feeling and belief that some day….that day will come when I can leave Corporate America behind and start a new adventure and really live. I have that belief for everyone that wants it bad enough. You’ll know when it’s your time to make the move. If you have a gut feeling and you’ve worked all of the details out then go for it! Trust your gut. Since I found your blog, I feel like you are for sure headed in the right direction. I enjoy reading and I think you’re doing amazing. Give it time and keep it up. I’m excited to see where this leads you! 🙂

    Reply
    1. Carrie Post author

      Wow, Lindsey!! I truly can’t thank you enough for your thoughts of encouragement! I’m glad to know that I’m not alone in this struggle, and I hope that we both see these dreams through, no matter HOW lofty!

      Reply
      1. Lindsey

        I have faith in you and both of us! If all else fails we’ll just have to do a road trip and meet up since we aren’t but so far away from each other 🙂

  4. Amanda

    Oh my dear, I feel this way all the time. I thought all I ever wanted was to be a stay-at-home-wife/mother and now that I am (well, a mum to my furry babies that is) I struggle with longing to work again but I dread the idea of going back into corporate America. I long to write and blog for a living but it’s such a competitive field and just as I feel like I’m gaining headway, I get scared and back away.

    I try to tell myself that you only live one life and if you are doing what you love the money shouldn’t matter so much. I think it’s important for all of us to embrace exactly where we are right now because one day we just may be wishing to be back here again. It’s important to look at the uncertainties and smile at them because in the big scheme of things, they are so small.

    Not to undermine what you are going through. It is scary. I’ve been there too. But because I lost my job a few years back so many more doors opened for me. Whatever happens, those doors will open for you too my friend.

    I’ll be thinking about you.

    Reply
    1. Carrie Post author

      Amanda, thank you SO much for your heart-felt comment…You are SO right that these worries and insecurities are probably pretty darn small in the big picture. Thanks again for your words and for keeping me in your thoughts…

      Reply
  5. Jessica

    Hi Carrie, I found your blog through The Everygirl a while back and I absolutely love it. You have an amazing eye for design and a lovely writing style — and you’re going places! Maybe think of this season of change as a push to get you where you ultimately want to be — this is just another step on your unique, beautiful journey.

    And if that doesn’t help, just breathe. You’ll come out on the other side of this thing stronger and closer to where you truly desire to be. :]

    xoxo – Jessica (just a stranger who adores your blog!)

    Reply
    1. Carrie Post author

      Jessica, thank you so much!!!! That (and all of these incredible comments!) made my day…To know that you and others have faith in me is restoring confidence in myself. I hope that I can turn this whole situation around for the better before I let it bring me ANY further down! Thanks again!! P.S. I don’t consider ANY of my readers a stranger =)

      Reply
  6. Bethany

    Oh wow. That stinks! I’m curious, have you heard of/read the book Quitter? It was written by Jon Acuff, and his tagline is, closing the gap between your day job and your dream job. He has some great content on his blog (http://www.jonacuff.com/blog/), but the book has a lot more information. I think you’d appreciate it, especially with where you are right now.

    Reply
  7. knotrune

    It is possible and you can do it. I’d like to pass on a couple of blogs I read which you might like to check out. http://12monthscreativity.wordpress.com/ is one girl’s quest to pursue her dream to become an artist. Her fiance was her greatest supporter and inspiration, he was following his dream to become a helicopter pilot, but was killed in a crash, not his fault. After taking time out to grieve of course, she is now picking up the bits of her life, has moved in with his parents and has just put her first piece of art into a gallery to sell. Very inspirational.

    The second is http://ellefeeney.com/ Elle has just turned 25 and has been trying to find a job in the field she is qualified for, marine biology. Not a field with very many openings it seems. She has been considering becoming a freelance writer and has done a few posts about that, I think she did a couple of book reviews for books on the subject.

    Finally, another blog I read has lots of writing advice, and this post in particular introduces a social network for creative professionals. I haven’t checked it out myself, but it might be worth a look for you. http://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2012/06/04/i-bring-you-a-gift-a-new-era-for-the-digital-age-artist/

    It must feel like a disaster, but it could become an opportunity 🙂

    Reply
    1. Carrie Post author

      This information is AWESOME!! Exactly what I needed to hear…I can’t thank you enough! Will definitely be looking into these sites in the coming weeks…

      Reply

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